Belladonna

Why can't I write without tears, Each word a wound so dear, Scratching my heart with pain— Like thunder chasing gentle rain. Why do I need to bleed to feel, To scrape the truth, to make it real? My mind, a maze of restless storms, Longing to break, shift, and transform. Why the hell is it like this? Hope—a ghost I always miss. Why can't I just simply be, Without this ache anchoring me? This feeling, a mess that pulls me deep, In darkness, where no light dares to seep. Always lingering, always near— A hell in mind so close to bear. Yet somewhere, in the silence I keep, A whisper stirs beneath the deep. Not hope, not peace—but something small, The will to rise, despite it all.

Warned ya babe, don’t trust my words, For liars hurt like knife-cut bones, As they follow a path unknown, Crafting truth with hollow tones. A love so sweet might be a trap—a lie, Promises all a hidden disguise, So hold your heart as it might cry, For even the stars can whisper goodbyes. I touch like warmth—in cold so bad, But burn like hell in moments unsaid. Cursed are my veins you choose to care, So don’t lean in the calm—unfair. I'll break your heart in pieces unclaimed, Then haunt your nights—leaving a trail. Guilt in gaze but charming lies, You’ll think it’s love, while damage flies. So warned ya babe, one final time, This love’s a crime dressed up in rhyme. If you stay, you’ll bleed all life— For all I do is ruin and rise.

 — by the girl who believed a little too much I'm done with pixel-perfect lies, Face-painted hidden disguise. Love can't bloom where truth won't stay, So I'm wanting to walk away today. I fell for a voice so far — a lie That wasn't his at all. Warmth that felt like home, so fake, A ghost I learned too late to take. He let me love a shadow dance, Watched me fall for a false romance. Smiled while wearing a borrowed face, Erasing all that time and space. This ain't anger, just a plea, A dignity born from pain so deep. No explanations needed — I'm done being broken at the end. Stayed for a soul I thought was true, Not for a mask, not for the view. Now I'm shattered once again For his lies and all he's done.

Unstable again, the storm returns, A mess inside that aches and burns. I don’t know what I’m meant to do, This hollow pain feels far too true. It’s weird, it’s loud, it doesn’t cease, It steals my rest, disturbs my peace. I hate the weight it brings each time, Its rhythm beats against my rhyme. It creeps inside, beneath my skin, A war I lose, I cannot win. To bone and back, it makes its mark, A haunting howl within the dark. It’s stayed for years, it won’t let go, A shadow cast on all I know. I name it not, yet feel it near— This feeling fed by quiet fear.

Ohh, they talk about getting loved by a poet But ohh my dear, to love a poet— It's hard to love, But harder to believe. To love a poet is To love a storm indeed, They may be in love, But won't let it rise. They push 'em far, They let 'em go, And still not show The slightest glow. They pen your smile, But not your name, They burn in silence, And call it fame. They’ll write you skies With words so deep— But never promise The stars they keep. So if you fall, fall not too fast, For poets love like shadows cast— Flickering, fading, yet always near, Whispering truths you’ll never hear.

I love you—more than the word ever dared, more than ink or breath has shared. Your name—it’s laced with quiet grace, but it’s your heart that holds my place. You make me feel like I belong in a world where I’ve felt wrong so long. You mirror parts I’ve yet to claim, and love me still, through joy and shame. I once sank deep in silent pain, overwhelmed by the smallest strain. But now—a little less ache, more light, a little more peace through softer night. You taught me care, you taught me grace, you helped me find my own embrace. And still, each day, my heart will say— “I love him more, come what may.” So may we walk through loss and gleam, through stumbles, storms, and every dream. In every tear and every smile— stay with me, if just a while—a lifetime. ~For him <3

Dear Mumma, I don’t want to disappoint you. I know you have high hopes for me—and not just any hopes, but dreams stitched with love and belief. But somewhere along the way, I’ve started to feel like I’ve already let you down. Not just you—myself, too. And that’s the hardest part. I don’t know how to keep doing things anymore. My passion—it feels like it’s flickered out. I feel stuck, like I’m trying to move in quicksand. There’s no energy left in me—not even for the things I once loved. Lately, I can’t tell if I even like anything at all. Everything feels dull, like the world lost its color. There’s nothing that excites me, nothing that makes me feel alive. I’m so sorry, mum. I know I’ve disappointed you. And that thought alone is enough to break me. Yours, always, Your child (I’m sorry)

Something that day, died within me— a spark misplaced, a dream set free. A home, once mine, a destined place, changed its path, left no trace. What did I lose? I still don’t know— a faded dream, or passion’s glow.