Belladonna

Not so sane, I guess— These feelings on the verge Have got me screaming, Again... insane. Been here before. Again, I come. For nothing I hold Can make me numb. I can’t breathe In this space. For here, you loved me— Just to fade. I can’t cry. Neither can I pray. Hollow, I stay In this place—insane.

I don’t even remember what happened between us— but every time I think of you, my heart just hurts. It aches in a way I can’t even explain. I’m tired of this feeling, don’t know why it still lingers. There’s a difference— heartbreak and heartache. I’ve felt both. But this ache...it never left. It comes back when I least expect it. When I see you laugh with people who aren’t me. When I hear from others that you cry, that you miss me— but you never said it. Not once. Not to me. I gave you so many chances. I waited. You let them all go. That’s not on me. So why am I still crying? Why now, after all this time? I thought I was fine... but then you showed up again. What do you even want from me? Why do I still feel like this? I used to be alright. Now all I do is, cry all night. Do you miss me— or do you just want someone? Anyone? I don’t even know anymore.

Oh my dear, I wished not to care, But when you laugh with others—my blood flares. How I wish you'd just disappear, Yet now you wish to linger near. Oh my dear, just let me breathe, Why this ache that hides beneath? You say you want to stay awhile— But not to me—you gift that smile. Oh my dear, come speak to me, I won't vanish, I won't flee. But don’t leave words for others to keep, Come say them to me—cut deep, cut sweet.

They say I didn’t care. They say I never looked back. But they didn’t see how My eyes never really looked away. They don’t know What it’s like to give love Like it’s the only language you know, And still be misunderstood. He cried when I stopped— But not because he lost me, Only because he lost The warmth he never earned. He didn’t love me. He loved how I made him feel. And when the world got cold, He remembered the warmth. But I’m not a fire you borrow On winter nights Just because no one else Kept you warm. So I said no. Not because I stopped loving, But because I started Loving myself.